Negative motivation can have dramatic effects on a child over time. What not to tell a child and how to motivate him
Negative motivation is everything a child doesn't need to hear. And it can have dramatic effects over time, the specialists say. Explanations, right now, on "Wellness doctor".
In the Romanian culture, there are usually two ways to motivate children.
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Bogdana Bursuc, clinical psychologist: "A positive way to say, 'Great, you did well, try again', and a negative way, meaning this belief that if we threaten the child, they will be motivated to take action, so we tell them that they won't be able to do something, that others will laugh at them. To make them do what we want".
Negative motivation causes fear. In the short term, the child may mobilize out of fear. In the long term, the effects are catastrophic.
Bogdana Bursuc, clinical psychologist: "This belief develops that I'm actually not good at anything, I'm incapable, I'm inferior to others. It's too heavy a burden in everyday life. I can't, I can't manage and I'll be afraid, I'll avoid it".
That's why, regardless of the situation, a child is motivated like this: "Try!", "You're good at it!", "You can!".
"Let's talk!" is the only thing the child wants to hear. "I won't judge you, I won't scold you. I'll just listen to you! Solutions will surely come to your own problems". It's called the psychological flexibility of the parent.
Gaspar Gyorgy, clinical psychologist: "They should find a certain flexibility because, in fact, being functional means being flexible psychologically and emotionally".
"Talk to me" is the invitation that the parent should always make.
