Attachment during childhood determines the attitude towards relationships in the future
Every day, we deal with all kinds of relations: romantic, labour, and family, for example. Even though it may seem that they are very different, every type of relations is greatly influenced by attachment (and its types). What are they and why is it so important to identify your type? Psychologist and psychotherapist Lina Strauke gave the answers to these questions.
The attachment theory has been around for quite some time. At first, the main focus was on the relations between a mother and her child.
Related
- The Dark History behind Our Childhood Memories
- Psychologist identifies the underlying reason behind nearly all relationship problems
- The irony of politicians' participation in the WOŚP Finale
- The Most Common Double Standards in Relationships
- People are sharing their thoughts on love and their expectations from romantic relationships: love is a force that drives us forward, they say
"Some authors initially said that attachment developed at a very early age – within the first 18 months," Strauke noted.
Even though attachment starts developing at a very early age, the effect on the grown-ups choice of friends and partners as well as on establishing relations with new people is huge. Usually, people start analysing themselves in greater detail when they are in romantic relationships, including various differences regarding relations and how much time a couple should spend together.
"Attachment types determine that one partner wants to distance themselves more and the other seeks a very intense contact and connection. Neither cases are bad per se, but this causes issues in a relationship," Strauke said.
Secure and insecure attachment – what are the main differences?
Secure attachment forms when the parents are addressing the baby’s needs, e.g. if it is crying, the mother picks the baby up and caresses it. This way, an emotional connection is created, and the baby learns that there is a person who creates security. It is the security that determines the baby’s future desire to explore the world, and research shows that this has a positive effect on grades as well.
Insecure attachment forms when the parents give insufficient attention to their child – due to dealing with their own issues or because of other reasons.
"There used to be a saying that you should not pick your baby up when it is crying in order not to turn this into a habit. But being such a mother or a father resulted in the baby developing insecure attachment," the psychologist and psychotherapist explained.
